Archive for August, 2010

I haven’t updated in awhile, but it was inevitable. So, I usually grab a copy of the Metro before hopping on the train in the morning–for those of you unfamiliar with the Metro, its Philadelphia’s free morning newspaper, written for a 3rd grade reading level, and designed for people with the attention span of a goldfish (yes I just Googled that).

Generally, the Metro is spell-checked/fact-checked by an editing team consisting of an incessant preteen YouTube commenter, a D- college student who didn’t have time to check for errors because he had a really important quest in World of Warcraft, and possibly an aging monkey of some sorts. My point is that if you are writing for a free newspaper, you most likely weren’t good enough to be commissioned by a real newspaper and that was your last resort.

Which brings me to what I really want to talk about this morning. Philadelphia’s WORST sports writer/morning radio host–Angelo Cataldi. Once again, if you are not familiar with this decrepit, wrinkly-faced, Philly loudmouth– he has the uncanny ability to find something bad in even the most ideal situations. This guy talked more shit on the Phillies in 2008…for example:


“Now that the fantasies of spring training have been left behind in Clearwater, can we all finally deal with a cold dose of reality here? The Phillies are not going to win a World Series in 2008. They are not going to suc ces sfully defend their improbable division title. They are probably not even going to make the playoffs.
The sports fans of this city deserve a parade down Broad Street, but this is definitely not the team that will break our quarter-century drought. This is a team that will break our hearts.”

For those of you living under a rock, the Phillies WON the World Series in 2008. Even after the Phils won, this guy claims it was because they were facing a weak opponent (umm hello the Rays beat the fucking Red Sox in a grueling 7-game ALCS). See where I’m coming from?

What pissed me off the most about Cataldi..wait, from now on I’m just going to refer to him as “doucheturd” (no capitalization, he doesn’t deserve it).. doucheturd NEVER gets behind his team, head coaches, quarterbacks, or even gives credit to the greatest comeback in the history of sports. Seriously, this guy was on WIP the morning before game 7 of the Flyers vs Bruins saying how the Flyers were lucky to have gotten to that point, lucky to have come back from being down 3-0 in the series, Coach Laviolette was completely outmatched/outcoached, and that the Flyers would come back to Philly with their tail between their legs. Check out the box score… or for that fact here:

Yet, people like this are still able to keep their jobs. I’m not in support of “company men” by any means. There are plenty of beat writers who kiss ass constantly. But honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever heard doucheturd give credit where credit is due, or retract a bogus statement…EVER. As if the above examples weren’t enough, there has been no person–not even Rush Limbaugh–more critical of Donovan McNabb and the Andy Reid era than doucheturd. Admittingly, I was always a McNabb sympathizer–why? Because there was no QB-Coach duo who was more successful over the past decade than Reid/McNabb. I understand we never won a Super Bowl (believe me) but this guy made Rush look like a schoolgirl compared to the shit coming out of this steaming pile of turd’s mouth over the past decade.

As usual, I digress. This mornings article was a sloppily written rant about how Charlie Manuel and Andy Reid are idiots and don’t know basic coaching strategy.. really doucheturd? Let’s give you the fucking clipboard and see why you are an AMATEUR D-level writer (at best) and not a coach of a PROFESSIONAL sports team. Let’s find a way to not support the Phillies even though they are leading the NL Wild Card race (as of today), let’s find a way to say Brad Lidge still sucks, let me find a way to toss my baseless opinion into the ring without actually watching a game. I can’t wait for football season to start so he can start throwing Reid under the bus again–and poor Kolb, he won’t have a chance. That’s all for now, folks.

Coffee Woes

Posted: August 19, 2010 by Tim in General Annoyance, News
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As a habitual complainer, I always have something that irks me on a daily basis. Today has been no different. Normally, I’m the happy-go-lucky coffee drinking stock photo girl to the right, however, I’ve found it nearly impossible to get a standard cup of coffee in the city of Philadelphia. The worst offender? Dunkin Donuts.

My daily grind consists of catching the train to Center City in the morning and grabbing a coffee. Since Dunkin Donuts runs a monopoly on the coffee game, I’m pretty limited in my choices. Plus on the underground concourse from Suburban Station to City Hall, there are 4, yes 4 DD’s that I pass. I could go to McCafe, sure, but that coffee totally sucks. I could go to Au Bon Pain if I’m feeling pretentious enough (which is never) or Starbucks…but who wants to pay 4 bucks for an iced coffee. Plus theirs usually resembles some form of diarrhea, but I digress.

So you get the point, I pass 4 DD’s underground. Then another 2-3 on my above-ground walk to my office. Plus I have an affinity for their coffee. Anyway, I wrote a rant to Dunkin’ yesterday, complaining about their stores in Philadelphia. It seems that every store franchises out to some Asian/Indian/etc franchisee, which is not my issue. The issue is that they hire people who have English as a second, even third language and still cannot understand what the fuck you are saying. There should be a minimal amount of words that you should understand, for example: “yes”, “no”, “coffee”, “cream”, “milk”, “sugar”, “extra”, “a little”, and “thank you”.

So let’s say I’m back home in Scranton, PA. I go to a DD, order a medium iced coffee with cream and sugar.. that’s exactly what I get. When I order it at one of the 7 locations in Philadelphia, I either get a medium iced cream shake with a side of coffee, an extra sugar diabetes express attack, or lasts nights coffee served over ice with extra sugar. For the past week I have had to both verbally and physically explain how to make a proper coffee..and they still fuck it up. I speak slowly, use hand gestures, etc but still theres always one thing off. I’ve complained to store managers and to DD. Hopefully I can get the ball rolling on some change here. I mean come on, your job isn’t difficult. Just pay attention to words and to detail and everyone will be happy. Yet, I still continue to support DD. We’ll see what happens.

Not guilty baby!!

Posted: August 18, 2010 by Tim in News
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My boy Rod Blagojevich just beat all but 1 of 24 charges against him. The man with an impeccable resemblance¬† to the famed “Lego Man”…or the man who had a Lego character based off of him…just beat out all of the serious charges, including attempting to sell Barack Obama’s vacated Senate seat.

Blago had one juror hold out on every single count except for one. The other jurors, obviously furious about such an “open-and-shut” verdict basically told reporters that she was a moron but there was nothing they could do about it. Blago still holds that the government holds a conspiracy against him and that they “threw everything but the kitchen sink at him”. Hopefully he’ll be back to selling Senate seats in no time!

Holy shit… viewers!

Posted: August 12, 2010 by Tim in News

I just started putting up some content on here yesterday and already seeing some results. So thank you to the one or two people who swung thru here yesterday and I hope you come back soon!

Okay enough of this sappy shit. I have some big plans in the works. More bum-liners, starting my flame/rant section, posting some various media, and coming very soon — podcasts! Although my idea of very soon is either a snails pace or right away so I’ll decide later–this is only a side project right now.

My friend and I are in the process of creating a weekly podcast of random news stories/things in the news and giving out witty take on them. Stay tuned for more details!