I haven’t updated in awhile, but it was inevitable. So, I usually grab a copy of the Metro before hopping on the train in the morning–for those of you unfamiliar with the Metro, its Philadelphia’s free morning newspaper, written for a 3rd grade reading level, and designed for people with the attention span of a goldfish (yes I just Googled that).

Generally, the Metro is spell-checked/fact-checked by an editing team consisting of an incessant preteen YouTube commenter, a D- college student who didn’t have time to check for errors because he had a really important quest in World of Warcraft, and possibly an aging monkey of some sorts. My point is that if you are writing for a free newspaper, you most likely weren’t good enough to be commissioned by a real newspaper and that was your last resort.

Which brings me to what I really want to talk about this morning. Philadelphia’s WORST sports writer/morning radio host–Angelo Cataldi. Once again, if you are not familiar with this decrepit, wrinkly-faced, Philly loudmouth– he has the uncanny ability to find something bad in even the most ideal situations. This guy talked more shit on the Phillies in 2008…for example:

Deeeeeeuurrrppppp

“Now that the fantasies of spring training have been left behind in Clearwater, can we all finally deal with a cold dose of reality here? The Phillies are not going to win a World Series in 2008. They are not going to suc ces sfully defend their improbable division title. They are probably not even going to make the playoffs.
The sports fans of this city deserve a parade down Broad Street, but this is definitely not the team that will break our quarter-century drought. This is a team that will break our hearts.”

For those of you living under a rock, the Phillies WON the World Series in 2008. Even after the Phils won, this guy claims it was because they were facing a weak opponent (umm hello the Rays beat the fucking Red Sox in a grueling 7-game ALCS). See where I’m coming from?

What pissed me off the most about Cataldi..wait, from now on I’m just going to refer to him as “doucheturd” (no capitalization, he doesn’t deserve it).. doucheturd NEVER gets behind his team, head coaches, quarterbacks, or even gives credit to the greatest comeback in the history of sports. Seriously, this guy was on WIP the morning before game 7 of the Flyers vs Bruins saying how the Flyers were lucky to have gotten to that point, lucky to have come back from being down 3-0 in the series, Coach Laviolette was completely outmatched/outcoached, and that the Flyers would come back to Philly with their tail between their legs. Check out the box score… or for that fact here:

Yet, people like this are still able to keep their jobs. I’m not in support of “company men” by any means. There are plenty of beat writers who kiss ass constantly. But honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever heard doucheturd give credit where credit is due, or retract a bogus statement…EVER. As if the above examples weren’t enough, there has been no person–not even Rush Limbaugh–more critical of Donovan McNabb and the Andy Reid era than doucheturd. Admittingly, I was always a McNabb sympathizer–why? Because there was no QB-Coach duo who was more successful over the past decade than Reid/McNabb. I understand we never won a Super Bowl (believe me) but this guy made Rush look like a schoolgirl compared to the shit coming out of this steaming pile of turd’s mouth over the past decade.

As usual, I digress. This mornings article was a sloppily written rant about how Charlie Manuel and Andy Reid are idiots and don’t know basic coaching strategy.. really doucheturd? Let’s give you the fucking clipboard and see why you are an AMATEUR D-level writer (at best) and not a coach of a PROFESSIONAL sports team. Let’s find a way to not support the Phillies even though they are leading the NL Wild Card race (as of today), let’s find a way to say Brad Lidge still sucks, let me find a way to toss my baseless opinion into the ring without actually watching a game. I can’t wait for football season to start so he can start throwing Reid under the bus again–and poor Kolb, he won’t have a chance. That’s all for now, folks.

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