Posted: April 5, 2011 by Tim in Completely Pointless
Tags: , ,

Bacon. Can also be used interchangeably with ‘beercan‘, if you are Jamaican.  In the words of the ever-knowledgeable Sean Rossman: “Bacon is SO outrageous”. Indeed it is, good sir. For years, this fellow intellect and I have debated about the pros and cons of bacon. I argue in favor of its deliciousness, versatility, and overall health benefits. Sean’s school of thought revolves around it being a gross, fat-fried-in-fat pork by-product and is a complete cop-out of a food. I understand his point of view. I do agree that bacon has become completely outrageous and is a cop out, as it is basically used to make any food instantly better. Shitty burger? Better slap some bacon on it then!

Bacon is defined as “the back and sides of the hog, salted and dried or smoked, usually sliced thin and fried for food”. It can also be used idiomatically, see “bringing home the bacon”. Theres fatty bacon such as fatback, or lean bacon such as pork loin. It can be made from turkey meat (how blasphemous!), or even beef, chicken, lamb, and goat.  Some religions forbid indulging in the swine, while others embrace it AS a religion.

Anyway, like I was sayin’, bacon is the fruit of the land. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey’s uh, bacon-kabobs, bacon creole, bacon gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There’s pineapple bacon, lemon bacon, coconut bacon, pepper bacon, bacon soup, bacon stew, bacon salad, bacon and potatoes, bacon burger, bacon sandwich. That- that’s about it.

The Bacon Bra

No, Bubba, That’s FAR from it. Maybe things were different back in Vietnam, but bacon can be cooked a million more ways. In fact, bacon can be found in everything from clothing, vodka, beer, ice cream sundaes, alarm clocks, cookies, exclusive clubs, salt, jams, books, mathematics, Kevin Bacon, and for countless other items such as baconaise, tactical canned bacon, lip balm, and just about every conceivable product known to man.

Denny's Baconalia Sundae

Canadians also do a hell of a job in the bacon department. They brine and coat a whole eye of pork loin in peameal and fry it up. Makes one hell of a sammich, I must say. The rest of the world sort of understands that you don’t necessarily need bacon to make a dish better. But here in America, the idea is to basically get bacon in any dish in any way shape or form. Inject it, stuff it, wrap it, top it, fry something in bacon grease, or just eat the grease:

The point is.. well I don’t know if I really have a point. I filed this one under ‘completely pointless’. Bacon most certainly has its pros and cons. For one, eating processed meats such as bacon can increase ones risk of cancer. On the other hand, its fucking delicious. One must ask themselves… how do I feel about the bacon? My best advice is to avoid all the hype. If Wendy’s needs to put 17 pieces of bacon on a burger to make it delicious, its probably a shitty burger. While I can’t resist the urge to eat anything bacon-related to cure a hangover, I tend to stray from it. A great chef doesn’t need to rely on bacon to make their food good. Whatever your stance is on bacon, I support you. Its a necessary evil, and thats what makes bacon what it is today.


  1. Sean Rossman says:

    I commend this talented writer for his bravery in taking on the powerful bacon establishment. Those corporate fat-cats sit up their on their ivory towers so far away from the common man they can barely here the hum of trans-fats ripping through the populace’s digestive system. They preach the deliciousness of bacon, knowing full well the fad cannot last.

    I must clarify one thing, bacon is a condiment, not a food, akin to ketchup and hot sauce in its ability to transform a meal from bland to noisy.

    I must ask readers to take a step back in their minds to the time of their youth. Do you remember McDonald’s and Wendy’s throwing bacon at you? on everything? Were bacon fries even around in the 90’s? No. The bacon fad is recent. Don’t become a victim; break the cycle, your heart depends on it.

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