So, I have been trying to find a good follow-up to my ground-breaking deciphering of Tyga’s “Rack City”, which unintentionally outed the young rap star. I’ve received several good suggestions via Twitter which may work out eventually, but I forgot about this contemporary classic. This is the perfect sequel as it incorporates a lot of nonsensical rhyme schemes and profuse repetition…and ass remixes.
No introduction necessary, Big Sean (B$) shoots us right out of the cannon with a ridiculously repetitive hook, like so repetitive that he’s not even trying to rhyme but it is still somehow really catchy. He hits you with “ASS” (or “A$$”, I think) about 22 times by my count, but in several different ways. The first set of asses sounds like how B$ would talk to his ladyfriends all smoothlike in a dimly lit nightclub when he’s too cool to speak above the music; the second set of asses is distorted in some sort of a burping-voice filter which finishes out the asses as a Donald Duck-like filter chimes in with the burping to finish out the first line of this hook. It sort of looks like this:
[normal voice] Ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass [burp-voice] ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass
[Donald Duck joins in] ass, ass, ass, ass, ass
Stop… now make that motherfucker hammer time like…
Go stupid, go stupid, go stupid (do it, boyeee–) ..(or something)..
I threw the rest of the hook in there at the end, because I realized it took me about 200 words just to explain that ass is repeated 22 times. So I’ll stop and make that motherfucker hammer time, which, by virtue of most-popular definition on urban dictionary, refers to the phrase a man says before jackhammering his partner and consequently breaking his/her neck. Hmm, starting off oddly familiar here, I hope this isn’t literally another ambiguously-gay rap song. We’ll see.
Wobble-dy wobble-dy wa wobble wobble
I’m st-stacking my paper my wallet look like a bible
I got girlies half naked that shit look like the grotto
How your waist anorexic and then your ass is colossal
Drop that ass make it boomerang
Take my belt off bitch I’m Pootie Tang
Bible wallets and shit
I assume the first line is to get the listener into some sort of transmission where they experience a sensation of rocking or teetering their heads repetitiously. Or its just to dupe the listener into thinking wobble and wallet are a perfect rhyme, I don’t really care to be honest. I’m more-or-less interested in the transition from wallets looking like bibles to half naked girlies making shit look like the grotto. Really, though. I don’t always have the opportunity to have stacks of paper in my wallet, but when I do, I’ve never made the connection that it would even remotely resemble a bible. But then to make that
Colossal a$$, you're doing it wrong.
comparison and then just be like ‘fuck it’ I’ll just throw in this line about half naked girlies, I mean, I just don’t get it. And when have you ever seen an anorexic person with a colossal ass? That just doesn’t even sound healthy, or physically possible. Regardless, I have to give B$ some credit for the colorful imagery thus far. The last line finally gives us the closest thing we’ve had to a rhyme with boomerang and Pootie Tang which I have to admit is pretty funny because Pootie Tang could whoop anybody’s ass with that belt. I think the ass drop is that kind of gross dance all the ladies do in that “Back Dat Ass Up” music video by Juvenile. I guess its kind of like a boomerang when all that jiggle comes back around. I typed in “ass bomerang” on Urban Dictionary for some clarification and it pulled up “dirtpipe boomerang” which was invented by Bill Cosby in 1956 and involves two people pushing their assholes together and taking turns shitting into the others assholes, hence boomerang-ing…? Okay, on second though, I don’t care anymore.. Moving on.
Tippy tow tippy tay you gonna get a tip today
Fuck that you gonna get some dick today
I walk in with my crew and I’m breaking they necks
I’m looking all good I’m making her wet
They pay me respect they me in checks
And if she look good she pay me in sex
Bounce that ass (a$$) it’s the roundest
You the best you deserve a crown bitch
Right on that…
"I'll take 30 of your finest whores, this check should suffice"
Just like the first half of this verse, B$ give us another nonsensical repetitive-y rhyme-y thing-y which for whatever reason involves one of his bitches getting a tip today or something. I don’t know, fuck that he’ll just give her some dick today. The egregious use of today in the first 2 lines really sets off the second half of this verse for me. The third line is where it gets interesting, and verifies the hammer time reference from the hook because apparently B$ and his entire crew love to jackhammer their sexual partners til the point of severe neck injury. Not gonna argue with that. I just don’t know how any respectable lady is still getting wet in the pants as her neck is being broken from aggressive acts of coitus. I guess when you look as good as B$, it just doesn’t matter after a certain point. I guess respectable ladies who like having their necks broken always pay their man with checks, seriously, fucking checks. This is a rap song and you are talking about getting CHECKS from whores. Checks. Seriously, checks. Or sex (hehe, that rhymes) if she looks good. Ok, whathefuckever. Since checks kind of, kiiiind of rhymes with roundest, I can see why its in there, but really, you could have said “stacks” or something. Its really not that hard to write these things. You the best you deserve a crown bitch……right on that…
The hook plays again. If you need a refresher course, please re-read the first paragraph.
I was going to do the original version of this song, til I realized (no credit to Antonio) that the Nicki Minaj second verse of this song is way fucking better. She pretty much puts B$ to shame since she can actually rhyme, regardless of how silly they may be.
Wobbledy wobble, wo-wo-wobble, wobbin’
Ass so fat, all these bitches’ pussies is throbbin’
Bad bitches, I’m your leader, Phantom by the meter
Somebody point me to the best ass-eater
Tell ’em “pussy clean”, I tell em “pussy squeaky”
Niggas give me brain ’cause all of them niggas geeky
SEE THAT SHIT?! Bitch can fuckin’ rhyme. A, B, A, B, A, B. That’s how good rhymes should work. Although I’m not quite sure how having a fat ass would make one’s pussy throb, I’ll leave the semantics up to you, Nicki. She drives a Phantom, that’s cool. I mean, its no Bugatti Veyron, but its still cool and all. Its parked by the meter, so naturally we have to make an analingus rhyme. But I guess there are no good ass-eaters to be found since she pulls out the ‘niggas give me brain’ line, which, when I was 13 or so found out that ‘brain’ is another word for oral-sex. I’m just going to stop before this gets weirder.
If he got a mandingo, then I buy him a dashiki
And bust this pussy open in the islands of Waikikiiiii-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Kiss my ass and my anus, ’cause it’s finally famous
And it’s finally soft, yeah, it’s finally solved!
I don’t know, man, guess them ass shots were off!
From what I understand, a mandingo is an African male who knows he has a huge shlong and can hit it all night long and keep you coming back for more. A dashiki is a garment usually worn by West
Ass shots, literally
Africans and hippies that covers the top half of the body. Not sure how these two actually correlate to Nicki’s pussy getting busted open in Waikiki.. I guess it has something to do with not wearing any pants. I promised myself this wouldn’t get weird again, but for whatever reason, Ms. Minaj is fixated on analingus again, as if we didn’t get the point earlier. I’ll just leave it at that. If the ass shots line seems weird, its not. She is actually clowning the original version of the song because B$ refers to cupid shooting arrows into somethings ass and he falls in love with it.. or something.
Bitches ain’t poppin’, Google, my ass
Only time you on the net is when you Google my ass
Y-y-you fuckin’ little whores, fu-fuckin’ up my decors
Couldn’t get Michael Kors if you was fuckin’ Michael Kors
B-B-Big Sean, b-boy, how big is you?
Gimmie all yo’ money and gimmie all yo’ residuals
Then slap it on my ass, ass, ass……
He couldn't get himself even if he was himself, allegedly.
Holy shit.. I have no clue what the fuck any of this means anymore. Is Michael Kors the dude from Project Runway? Apparently he’s the greatest designer ever. Apparently, I could care less. I’ll just slap some residuals on its ass and try not to understand the craziness that is in Nicki Minaj’s head. This brings us near the of this mess. The hook plays again. B$ comes back to talk about white girls, black girls, tall girls, fat girls, short girls, small girls, skinny girls, & all girls really and how they shake that ass. And he wants all of that. And then the fucking hook….again. For all of you who love the repetition. So what have we learned? Stacks of money can make your wallet look like the bible, anorexic chicks have big asses according to legend, B$ takes checks from hookers because he’s so respected, Nicki Minaj loves analingus and Michael Kors couldn’t even get with himself if he had a clone of himself. I know, this is all so much to take in. But what is this song actually about? I have no fucking idea. Til next time..