Bum-Liners

Bum-Liners are unique one-liners I’ve developed in order to confound the common street beggar, giving you enough time for them to stop and think, while you casually walk away. Feel free to use your own variations.

Disclaimer: they usually invoke some sort of “fuck you” as you stroll away. Don’t be discouraged!

Oh.. and one more side-note. These do not work on the educated bum. As my friend Sean Rossman points out: “he walks around with an arsenal of vocabulary to confound the common pedestrian”. This, of course, would fall under the category of “uncommon street-beggar” which requires different tactics and a bit more cunning. Be prepared to encounter this type of bum and adjust accordingly.

Bum-liners #1: (In perfect English): “Sorry sir, I do not speak English” *If bum has a quick comeback, feel free to explain that you only know that particular phrase, and the sentence explaining said phrase, followed by “Que?”.

Bum-liners #2: “Sorry, I voted for Obama.. I’m still waiting for my change too”.

Bum-liners #3: Bum: “Got any change, sir?”, You: *kick snow at bum (if applicable), Bum: “Well, that’s not gonna help”.

Bum-liners #4: “Hey, is that your Mercedes getting towed”

Bum-liners #5: (invent your own language and pretend not to understand anything)

Bum-liners #6: “THE FUCKING MOON JUST CRASHED, MAN…WHAT THE FUCK?!” (or something crazy along those lines)

Bum-liners #7: “So, what are you selling?”

Bum-liners #8: “Do you have any spare change?”, “No”, “How about a subway token”, “Are you serious, that costs like double the amount of change I was considering giving you”, “oh…..got a dollar?”, “fuck off…you always start high, then go low, you jagaloon..learn to fucking barter next time”.

Any Suggestions? Post them here!

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