Posts Tagged ‘celebrities’

Barry in Space

It took me quite a bit of time to come up with a title to this article. Mainly because I’m still not 100% sure what to make of this. Are some celebrities time travelers? Are they just ‘undead’ (I won’t call them vampires outright, because vampires are totally stupid) or were they part of some top-secret jumpers program like Obama supposedly was in his youth? You may have to research that last one on your own, because I can talk ad-nauseum about this (and I want to stay somewhat on topic). Or could this be something completely different altogether? Perhaps our current timelines are converging with those of an alternate, or MANY alternate universes and seeing Nic Cage as a Civil War-era chap is just the repercussions of this merging. With 2012 reaching its midpoint, our solar system hurling through a region of highly-magnetized ‘fluff’ that stretches several thousand light years through our galaxy, our Earth being blanketed with nuclear fallout from Fukushima and our material world completely shitting the bed.. I kind of wouldn’t mind going back to the past and fucking with some timelines as well. I think I’ve been watching too much Twilight Zone and Dr. Who. I didn’t really have a point to this introductory paragraph, so I’m just going to move on to the evidence.

Nicolas Kim Coppola, AKA Nic Cage

For full disclosure purposes, I am a huge Nic Cage fan. Despite having some of the most atrocious hairstyles in his movies, he almost always plays a solid role. I say almost because if you’ve ever seen The Wicker Man, you’ll know what I mean. Anyway, Nic has played a lot of extremely smart or ahead-of-their-time-type characters (National Treasure, Knowing, Con Air..kidding) and I never really made the connection til I saw Civil War Nic Cage. The reason he knows it all, is because he’s sort of ‘been there/done that’. So maybe he really did find a National Treasure and was part of a massive psy-op/cover-up to make people think its all fiction, but really, its based on a true story. It also doesn’t hurt that he NEVER seems to age either.

Keanu Charles Reeves, AKA Keanu Reeves

Thousands of years ago in the future, there was a man named Keanu Reeves. One of the more entertaining examples, as it appears Keanu may be more than just a time traveler, but perhaps the MASTER of time travel. This is also entirely believable since he never appears to age and has seemingly regressed to his old 1530s pirate look as of late. The 1875 version was coincidentally (or not) a French actor named Paul Mounet who was also noted for his emotionless, deadpan acting style. Interestingly enough, he also died under mysterious circumstances in which no body was ever recovered, allegedly. Maybe The Matrix isn’t as far from reality as I may have thought originally.

John Joseph Travolta, AKA John Travolta

This one actually creeps me out a little bit. Not the time travel thing, but more-or-less the creepy “I’m going to grab your cock and then tell you about how the Jews run Hollywood” kind of look he’s giving in both pictures. I don’t think Travolta is of the undead-variety like Nic Cage, mainly because he seems to be aging really poorly. But maybe that’s just to throw everyone off the proverbial trail. There really is no explanation for either of these pictures. Maybe they were time assassins sent to stop John Wilkes Booth from assassinating Lincoln, or maybe JT was just a male prostitute. Who really knows. While these two are interesting examples, the next one really blows my mind.

Thomas Jacob “Jack” Black, AKA Jack Black, AKA Paul Revere

This is perhaps the most uncanny reference of them all. Paul Revere, the man who supposedly warned of an upcoming British invasion during the Revolutionary War, or if you are Sarah Palin you probably believe something entirely different. Frankly, I don’t really care. Judging on Jack Black’s persona, this is also probably the most believable example as well.

John Burke Krasinski, AKA “Jim Halpert” 

Most commonly known as “Jim” from the office, bears an uncanny resemblance to human rights activist Carl Adolph Feilberg from an 1835 portrait painting by Christen Kobke.

Michael Sylvester Gardenzio Stallone, AKA Sylvester Stallone, AKA Sly Stallone

The most recent time travel reference to make the rounds. Sly appears to appear in this 16th Century painting by Raphael, peering stoic-ly at Pope Gregory IX. This is part of a larger painting which is housed at the Vatican. While some may argue that Sly has rather common Italian features and that this is just some kind of coincidence, I beg to differ. When viewing the painting as a whole, several other celebrities ‘appear’ around Pope Gregory IX. So what was so special about this? And was Raphael trying to tell us something, much like Da Vinci, but trying to warn us to avoid shitty movies in the future?

 I would have thought the Stallone reference was just a coincidence, however, it appears that this is more of a group photo than anything. From left to right: Sylvester Stallone, Christopher Walken, Napoleon Bonaparte (?), Anthony Hopkins (Pope), Steve Buscemi, Joe Pesci, Louis CK (or Vincent Van Gogh), Liam Neeson and an older Gerard Butler (kneeling).

Perhaps these are just random occurrences. After all, there have been billions of people/humanoids on this planet throughout history, so there a bound to be similar faces as well. I am sure there are others, as there are certainly a few suspicious celebrities who never seem to age, such as Will Smith. And when you consider the types of movies people like Smith make, you can totally relate it. Anyway, as our timelines seemingly continue to converge to a point, maybe we will see more of these occurrences, which I will be sure to document. I will close with one final comparison, although I am not convinced as much as I am with the evidence above. It is of Michael Jackson. We saw MJ grow up into a beautiful woman, but all jokes aside, he was very much ‘aware’ in terms of conspiracies and the occult and I believe he also ‘died’ very mysteriously. So maybe we will see him again in the future!

I achieve this moment just about every morning on my walk from the train station to work. I usually encounter some individual(s) who are having a wayyy worse morning than me and it makes me feel better about myself. I realize that my problems are insignificant to the kinds of problems these people must have. They would probably trade lives with me in a second, because I don’t really have “problems” per-se, I just have issues.

I almost feel bad, because this would probably be an insult to the late Heath Ledger, however the woman I encountered this morning definitely has a horrid life that I do not care to imagine. Her face… well, lets just say it was eerily similar to the Joker from Dark Knight. She literally had a white painted on face, her lipstick appeared to have been drawn on by a monkey (literally, the Joker’s lipstick looks good compared to what she had going on), and her eyebrows were quite possibly finger-painted on by a blind 3-year old. I would have snapped a picture, but out of sheer terror I had to restrain myself. Perhaps if I see this train-wreck (yes, it was so bad yet so hard to look away) I will snap a picture for the viewers.

Til then…..I’m out.

Why won’t she just go away already? I’m tired of hearing here running her mouth about how she is “just like every other mom”. Give it up already. Real moms don’t appear on “Dancing With the Stars”, real moms don’t have their own reality tv shows, real moms don’t emotionally castrate their (former) husbands, real moms don’t abandon their children to walk down the red carpet at award shows, real moms don’t breed like dogs, real moms don’t leave their children to be raised by nannies and cameramen, real moms don’t get free tummy tucks and botox injections….for free, real moms aren’t shitty role models for their children, real moms don’t get free handouts for having 8 children, real moms aren’t conniving manipulative bitches who only care about themselves… this could go on forever.

Real moms are loving, caring individuals who would do anything for their children. Real moms struggle with everyday life, they have children, care for them, and sometimes try to lose that weight the normal way, dieting and exercise. They don’t get free handouts, don’t bash their ex-husbands in the media, they don’t play the victim card. Once again, this could go on forever.

I really am sick of hearing about her. Why is she even famous? Her hairstyle is so lesbionic, I don’t know how anyone would ever want to emulate this debauchery. This picture says it all. She is a heartless witch of a person who on the inside, has to be completely devoid of emotion. I admit, I watched the trainwreck of a TV series (back when she was still married) out of sheer curiosity. I hate Jon equally, but you can’t help but feel bad for him, yet at the same time, completely respect him. I don’t respect that he walked out on his children, but it was inevitable with the way she treated that dude. While he was at home, trying to be a good father, she was out getting free surgeries and living in her “15-minutes of fame” universe. Jon did the same thing, but like a complete badass. He’s out getting some young ass from different girls, driving around sportscars, and living the bachelor life again. He really deserves his own reality show “Jon Minus 9”. I’d probably watch that, provided I had cable TV.

Just please… for the love of GaGa….PLEASE GO AWAY!

Aaaand I’m out.