Posts Tagged ‘michael jackson’

Barry in Space

It took me quite a bit of time to come up with a title to this article. Mainly because I’m still not 100% sure what to make of this. Are some celebrities time travelers? Are they just ‘undead’ (I won’t call them vampires outright, because vampires are totally stupid) or were they part of some top-secret jumpers program like Obama supposedly was in his youth? You may have to research that last one on your own, because I can talk ad-nauseum about this (and I want to stay somewhat on topic). Or could this be something completely different altogether? Perhaps our current timelines are converging with those of an alternate, or MANY alternate universes and seeing Nic Cage as a Civil War-era chap is just theĀ repercussionsĀ of this merging. With 2012 reaching its midpoint, our solar system hurling through a region of highly-magnetized ‘fluff’ that stretches several thousand light years through our galaxy, our Earth being blanketed with nuclear fallout from Fukushima and our material world completely shitting the bed.. I kind of wouldn’t mind going back to the past and fucking with some timelines as well. I think I’ve been watching too much Twilight Zone and Dr. Who. I didn’t really have a point to this introductory paragraph, so I’m just going to move on to the evidence.

Nicolas Kim Coppola, AKA Nic Cage

For full disclosure purposes, I am a huge Nic Cage fan. Despite having some of the most atrocious hairstyles in his movies, he almost always plays a solid role. I say almost because if you’ve ever seen The Wicker Man, you’ll know what I mean. Anyway, Nic has played a lot of extremely smart or ahead-of-their-time-type characters (National Treasure, Knowing, Con Air..kidding) and I never really made the connection til I saw Civil War Nic Cage. The reason he knows it all, is because he’s sort of ‘been there/done that’. So maybe he really did find a National Treasure and was part of a massive psy-op/cover-up to make people think its all fiction, but really, its based on a true story. It also doesn’t hurt that he NEVER seems to age either.

Keanu Charles Reeves, AKA Keanu Reeves

Thousands of years ago in the future, there was a man named Keanu Reeves. One of the more entertaining examples, as it appears Keanu may be more than just a time traveler, but perhaps the MASTER of time travel. This is also entirely believable since he never appears to age and has seemingly regressed to his old 1530s pirate look as of late. The 1875 version was coincidentally (or not) a French actor named Paul Mounet who was also noted for his emotionless, deadpan acting style. Interestingly enough, he also died under mysterious circumstances in which no body was ever recovered, allegedly. Maybe The Matrix isn’t as far from reality as I may have thought originally.

John Joseph Travolta, AKA John Travolta

This one actually creeps me out a little bit. Not the time travel thing, but more-or-less the creepy “I’m going to grab your cock and then tell you about how the Jews run Hollywood” kind of look he’s giving in both pictures. I don’t think Travolta is of the undead-variety like Nic Cage, mainly because he seems to be aging really poorly. But maybe that’s just to throw everyone off the proverbial trail. There really is no explanation for either of these pictures. Maybe they were time assassins sent to stop John Wilkes Booth from assassinating Lincoln, or maybe JT was just a male prostitute. Who really knows. While these two are interesting examples, the next one really blows my mind.

Thomas Jacob “Jack” Black, AKA Jack Black, AKA Paul Revere

This is perhaps the most uncanny reference of them all. Paul Revere, the man who supposedly warned of an upcoming British invasion during the Revolutionary War, or if you are Sarah Palin you probably believe something entirely different. Frankly, I don’t really care. Judging on Jack Black’s persona, this is also probably the most believable example as well.

John Burke Krasinski, AKA “Jim Halpert”Ā 

Most commonly known as “Jim” from the office, bears an uncanny resemblance to human rights activist Carl Adolph Feilberg from an 1835 portrait painting by Christen Kobke.

Michael Sylvester Gardenzio Stallone, AKA Sylvester Stallone, AKA Sly Stallone

The most recent time travel reference to make the rounds. Sly appears to appear in this 16th Century painting by Raphael, peering stoic-ly at Pope Gregory IX. This is part of a larger painting which is housed at the Vatican. While some may argue that Sly has rather common Italian features and that this is just some kind of coincidence, I beg to differ. When viewing the painting as a whole, several other celebrities ‘appear’ around Pope Gregory IX. So what was so special about this? And was Raphael trying to tell us something, much like Da Vinci, but trying to warn us to avoid shitty movies in the future?

Ā I would have thought the Stallone reference was just a coincidence, however, it appears that this is more of a group photo than anything. From left to right: Sylvester Stallone, Christopher Walken, Napoleon Bonaparte (?), Anthony Hopkins (Pope), Steve Buscemi, Joe Pesci, Louis CK (or Vincent Van Gogh), Liam Neeson and an older Gerard Butler (kneeling).

Perhaps these are just randomĀ occurrences. After all, there have been billions of people/humanoids on this planet throughout history, so there a bound to be similar faces as well. I am sure there are others, as there are certainly a few suspicious celebrities who never seem to age, such as Will Smith. And when you consider the types of movies people like Smith make, you can totally relate it. Anyway, as our timelines seemingly continue to converge to a point, maybe we will see more of these occurrences, which I will be sure to document. I will close with one final comparison, although I am not convinced as much as I am with the evidence above. It is of Michael Jackson. We saw MJ grow up into a beautiful woman, but all jokes aside, he was very much ‘aware’ in terms of conspiracies and the occult and I believe he also ‘died’ very mysteriously. So maybe we will see him again in the future!

As another year dwindles down, one can’t help but remember the good times as well as the bad times. Like any year, 2010 had its fair share of ups and downs. As I can recall, 2010 will be best known for Sully landing a plane in the Hudson River, the BP oil spill, Bieber fever, the flight attendant who epically quit his job (aka “hitting the slide”), the census, east coast blizzards, natural disasters, “Gate Rape”, and the Chilean miners.

While these memories represent a wide range of emotions, nothing quite captures the attention spans of Americans better than a good celebrity death. Seriously. There was more news coverage of Michael Jackson’s death than there was of the BP oil spill. That death lasted for weeks, man.

So for a recap. If you were in a Celebrity Death Pool in 2010, there were a few obvious deaths and a few shockers, but if you picked some wild card, chances are you pulled out a win in your league. Some of the more obvious deaths this year:

  • Rue McClanahan (you pretty much have to pick a Golden Girl every year right?)
  • Corey Haim (again, no-brainer.. when you turn down “celebrity rehab” you are pretty much asking for it)
  • Gary Coleman (absolute shit-show his whole life, but was a bit of a shocker)
  • Greg Giraldo (do I have to make a comment?)
  • Elizabeth Edwards (ex-wives getting cancer.. always a trendy pick)
  • Levi Strauss, Jimmy Dean, & JD Salinger (all old as shit)

If you had Corey Haim, Gary Coleman, and/or Greg Giraldo you scored some pretty good points. As for some unexpected deaths there were: “Captain” Phil Harris from Deadliest Catch, Teddy Pendergrass, Ronnie James Dio, Leslie Nielsen, Tony Curtis, George Steinbrenner, and Dennis Hopper.. although the last four would have scored under 25 points.

So if you want to get in on the pool, here’s the deal. My favorite comedian Doug Stanhope set out the rules: 20 picks, 100 pts for a correct pick minus their age. I added a wildcard pick for 25 extra bonus points too (can’t be someone who is known to be sick). So for example, if Justin Bieber dies it would be (100 – 16 = 84 points). If you aren’t good at pools here’s a few helpful tips: its never in bad taste to pick a remaining Beetle/Golden Girl/ex-President/ex-world leader/celebrity with a drug problem. Also, its good to pick at least one young’n for a high-risk/high-reward pick. Feel free to post your own list or steal some from me but here are my ‘official’ picks for 2011:

  1. Michael Douglas (pretty much a given)
  2. Betty White
  3. Joan Rivers
  4. Snooki
  5. Corey Feldman (sorry other Corey)
  6. Kim Jong-Il (+31)

  7. Dick Cheney
  8. Tom Jones (the singer)
  9. David Copperfield
  10. Dr. Ruth
  11. Roy Horn (of Sigfried & Roy)
  12. Aretha Franklin
  13. Carrot Top
  14. Eddie Van Halen
  15. Keith Richards
  16. Gary Busey
  17. Courtney Love
  18. Whitney Houston
  19. Nick Nolte
  20. Iggy Pop
  21. *Wildcard* Penn Jillette